The Kulinary Gangsta, and why Guy Fieri needs to go back to his cave.

I want you to watch that video at least 5 times.  When you're done, watch it once just so the image of the bleached-haired, yellow-jacketed Guy Fieri is burnt into your skull like the Jeff Bridges-voiced Hyundais were during the Super Bowl.  It will be painful, but it is necessary.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this clown, he won one of those stupid fucking Next Food Network Star shows and has been flooding TV screens ever since, on shows such as Guy's Big Bite, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and Ultimate Recipe Showdown.  It appears that the Food Network's logic was clear: he appealed to that booming, chopper-loving, freewheeling, multi-pierced dynamic, and could bring a bit of "wtf" to a lineup that includes ever-growing wasteband of Emeril Lagasse, the eye candy of Giada De Laurentiis, and the Michelin-starred success of one Robert Flay.  (I'm kidding on that last one; McDonald's is closer to a Michelin star than Bobby Flay will ever be).

If you were still defending the Food Network, you have no choice but to jump ship at this point.  It simply blows; the shows/lineup serve no purpose, and as long as they continue to gear up for market niches and demographics and not actual food or culinary legitimacy, it will be relegated to purgatory on my TiVO.  I understand that you need to pay the bills, but really, this is the best you can come up with?  Fuck, I'd rather watch Hannah Montana at this point.

But hey, we can all be kulinary gangstas, right?

(If you want an actual cooking show, look no further than Eric Ripert, except maybe when Mario Batali finally gets a mainstream show on PBS; common theme? Public broadcasting).